Is it really still July?
Words cannot express my relief that August will soon be here...although I know full well it will bring challenges of its own...ending one month and starting the next is like a breath of fresh air and boy do I need some fresh air.
Fresh salty air with sand under my toes would be really nice, actually.
July essentially compounded the stresses of this first deployment experience. Because on top of the obvious: being a solo mommy to our toddler living 12 hours away from both sets of doting grandparents; the less obvious: is that I am the FRG Leader for my husband's Company.
What the heck is an FRG Leader? Basically, aside from having a toddler in the house, its the sole reason I haven't had the time, nor the energy, to blog this deployment. And probably is the reason why I don't respond to your emails or text messages in a timely fashion, if at all.
But really, FRG Leader stands for Family Readiness Group Leader. In the Army, it's the leader of a volunteer organization that provides support and communication to the family members of the soldiers. I'm the middleman who gets all the questions and hopes I have the answer.
About 200 people have my email address and cell phone number, most of whom I have never even met face to face.
At a minimum, these family members rely on me to update them about their soldier throughout the deployment and provide them the all important updates about redeployment (homecoming). There is also a fundraising aspect so that the FRG can sponsor social events for the Company to build a support network among soldiers and their families.
On the difficult end of the spectrum I am also the second person who is notified of an injury or death within our Company. To say my heart leaps out of my chest whenever our Rear Detachment Commander's name pops up on my iPhone is an understatement...one injury or death is always too many. We've sent 15 young men home due to injuries.
I was so blindsided by our first set of injuries that I didn't even know what the appropriate form of support for our spouses who were waiting for their loved one to be transferred stateside should have been. We had 10 soldiers injured ranging from traumatic brain injuries to amputees. Miraculously, all lives were spared. But reflecting back I was so shocked, I had no idea what to do for our spouses. In none of my FRG Training was there a discussion about appropriate forms of support for spouses of severly injured soldiers. So, all I did was answer my phone, and logically attempt to find and answer questions for our young spouses who's lives had suddenly been entirely altered.
A month later myself, the Commander's wife, and one other spouse went to visit our soldiers at Walter Reed. We took small gifts. But still, I didn't know what to say to these men and their spouses...their journey isn't over...most have at least 12 months of physical therapy. And yet, they are no longer "officially" part of our Company...
June was a quieter and safer month for our Company and I was thankful.
But then July came...
Our first double amputee was a young single soldier. His family does not live in North Carolina, so all I could do was answer questions via email for his sweet mother and wait for her updates on Facebook when her soldier finally made it stateside...
And if that wasn't enough, a second married man with two young daughters suffered similar wounds. He had only been home 3 months from his previous deployment before he was switched to our Company and deployed with us. Three months is not enough time to decompress from one deployment and prepare for the next. Again, I provided support at an arms reach because as any army spouse knows, "the army keeps rolling along." And while this last injury was a cruel roller coaster ride for his wife, I still had other fires to put out for the FRG...not to mention a toddler on my hip...meeting this wife for the first time in such a state of grief was heart wrenching. So, to say the least, I felt guilty for not being able to hold her hand through this storm. THANKFULLY, one of my extraordinary volunteers was able to provide support and keep a pulse on the needs of his wife as she waited for updates of her husbands status and FINALLY the update that he is on his way stateside.
But I gleaned some wisdom from an older and wiser military spouse about this experience: "as the FRG Leader you cannot hold everyone's hand; but you must stay emotionally level headed, identify the need, and find other willing volunteers to satisfy the need." I really wish someone would I have told me this at the beginning of this deployment.
Experience creates wisdom. But I really would have preferred to not gain wisdom at the expense of others grief.
The gravity of the need for well organized and professional care for spouses of amputee soldiers weighs heavy on my heart.
Fresh salty air with sand under my toes would be really nice, actually.
July essentially compounded the stresses of this first deployment experience. Because on top of the obvious: being a solo mommy to our toddler living 12 hours away from both sets of doting grandparents; the less obvious: is that I am the FRG Leader for my husband's Company.
What the heck is an FRG Leader? Basically, aside from having a toddler in the house, its the sole reason I haven't had the time, nor the energy, to blog this deployment. And probably is the reason why I don't respond to your emails or text messages in a timely fashion, if at all.
But really, FRG Leader stands for Family Readiness Group Leader. In the Army, it's the leader of a volunteer organization that provides support and communication to the family members of the soldiers. I'm the middleman who gets all the questions and hopes I have the answer.
About 200 people have my email address and cell phone number, most of whom I have never even met face to face.
At a minimum, these family members rely on me to update them about their soldier throughout the deployment and provide them the all important updates about redeployment (homecoming). There is also a fundraising aspect so that the FRG can sponsor social events for the Company to build a support network among soldiers and their families.
On the difficult end of the spectrum I am also the second person who is notified of an injury or death within our Company. To say my heart leaps out of my chest whenever our Rear Detachment Commander's name pops up on my iPhone is an understatement...one injury or death is always too many. We've sent 15 young men home due to injuries.
I was so blindsided by our first set of injuries that I didn't even know what the appropriate form of support for our spouses who were waiting for their loved one to be transferred stateside should have been. We had 10 soldiers injured ranging from traumatic brain injuries to amputees. Miraculously, all lives were spared. But reflecting back I was so shocked, I had no idea what to do for our spouses. In none of my FRG Training was there a discussion about appropriate forms of support for spouses of severly injured soldiers. So, all I did was answer my phone, and logically attempt to find and answer questions for our young spouses who's lives had suddenly been entirely altered.
A month later myself, the Commander's wife, and one other spouse went to visit our soldiers at Walter Reed. We took small gifts. But still, I didn't know what to say to these men and their spouses...their journey isn't over...most have at least 12 months of physical therapy. And yet, they are no longer "officially" part of our Company...
June was a quieter and safer month for our Company and I was thankful.
But then July came...
Our first double amputee was a young single soldier. His family does not live in North Carolina, so all I could do was answer questions via email for his sweet mother and wait for her updates on Facebook when her soldier finally made it stateside...
And if that wasn't enough, a second married man with two young daughters suffered similar wounds. He had only been home 3 months from his previous deployment before he was switched to our Company and deployed with us. Three months is not enough time to decompress from one deployment and prepare for the next. Again, I provided support at an arms reach because as any army spouse knows, "the army keeps rolling along." And while this last injury was a cruel roller coaster ride for his wife, I still had other fires to put out for the FRG...not to mention a toddler on my hip...meeting this wife for the first time in such a state of grief was heart wrenching. So, to say the least, I felt guilty for not being able to hold her hand through this storm. THANKFULLY, one of my extraordinary volunteers was able to provide support and keep a pulse on the needs of his wife as she waited for updates of her husbands status and FINALLY the update that he is on his way stateside.
But I gleaned some wisdom from an older and wiser military spouse about this experience: "as the FRG Leader you cannot hold everyone's hand; but you must stay emotionally level headed, identify the need, and find other willing volunteers to satisfy the need." I really wish someone would I have told me this at the beginning of this deployment.
Experience creates wisdom. But I really would have preferred to not gain wisdom at the expense of others grief.
The gravity of the need for well organized and professional care for spouses of amputee soldiers weighs heavy on my heart.
I'm taking in everything you wrote. I have a lot of questions, but my goodness, what a month you've had. I've had some FRG drama the last few days, and you've been on my mind. Prayers that the remainder of the deployment is smoother for your company.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you too because I saw that your man is off to NTC. Assuming there is a deployment on the horizon? Please ask away, especially since you're a co-leader. There is much I know now I wish I would've known before the guys left.
DeleteOh my goodness you have been busy. This breaks my heart to read about the soldiers injuries and their families. I'm wishing you all a quieter month ahead but am glad you are able to help them out even if in a small way. All the best to you and your little gal! Hang in there, you are amazing.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of ridiculous, not going to lie! But thanks! Not too much longer and this will just be one more chapter in our epic story! ;-)
DeleteOlivia,
ReplyDeleteYou are such a strong person. :) I think and pray for you and your family often.